I frequently find myself unable to pull myself away from that TLC show, I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant. My own pregnancy symptoms were so immediate and glaring that there was no denying I was pregnant before the tests were even coming up positive. I can't imagine someone entering into their third trimester and then going into labor without ever knowing their body was a vessel for another human being- although, it's apparently possible. (Have you seen that show? IT FREAKS ME OUT!)
Lately I have been feeling pregnant. I'm not. Not even a little. But I feel all these pregnancy-ish symptoms that, if we were trying to conceive, would send me into a frenzy of peeing on sticks and waiting for double pink lines.
Even though I know I am not expecting, I have these brief moments of panic where I can hear the narrator telling TLC viewers my story: "Although Nora gained no weight and could still fit into her size four jeans, she was thirty-seven weeks pregnant and had no idea she was about to give birth to her second child on her kitchen floor."
There's a commercial break, then we return to the dark-haired actress portraying me, sweating heavily, gritting her teeth and writhing on the floor. Narrator: "Nora thought it was a problem with her cystic ovaries or another bout of gas."
My appetite has increased, I have cravings, I am uncontrollably exhausted sometimes to the point of near narcolepsy, I am moody, I am light headed, and I've been having more headaches. If I wasn't still having my period in a big way I'd totally be peeing on sticks EVERY DAY.