Friday, August 7, 2009

the darndest things

This is a conversation that Gabe and Liam had recently, which I'm glad didn't happen in public but I'm blogging about it anyway because it's easier to explain in writing without stuttering and turning purpley-red.

You see, Liam comes with me nearly every time I go to the store, and if I put something in the shopping cart and he asks what it is, I'll always tell him. I have my period about every three weeks instead of four, so I buy a lot of feminine products.

They were watching a nature program on television.
LIAM: Look! A frog!
GABE: That's right, it's a frog.
LIAM: A frog in the water!
GABE: Yes, the frog is swimming in the water.
LIAM: The frog is swimming in the ocean.
GABE: That frog is not in the ocean- it's in a pond.
LIAM: Oh! Mama has a tampond!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

What you don't know...

I frequently find myself unable to pull myself away from that TLC show, I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant. My own pregnancy symptoms were so immediate and glaring that there was no denying I was pregnant before the tests were even coming up positive. I can't imagine someone entering into their third trimester and then going into labor without ever knowing their body was a vessel for another human being- although, it's apparently possible. (Have you seen that show? IT FREAKS ME OUT!)

Lately I have been feeling pregnant. I'm not. Not even a little. But I feel all these pregnancy-ish symptoms that, if we were trying to conceive, would send me into a frenzy of peeing on sticks and waiting for double pink lines.

Even though I know I am not expecting, I have these brief moments of panic where I can hear the narrator telling TLC viewers my story: "Although Nora gained no weight and could still fit into her size four jeans, she was thirty-seven weeks pregnant and had no idea she was about to give birth to her second child on her kitchen floor."

There's a commercial break, then we return to the dark-haired actress portraying me, sweating heavily, gritting her teeth and writhing on the floor. Narrator: "Nora thought it was a problem with her cystic ovaries or another bout of gas."

My appetite has increased, I have cravings, I am uncontrollably exhausted sometimes to the point of near narcolepsy, I am moody, I am light headed, and I've been having more headaches. If I wasn't still having my period in a big way I'd totally be peeing on sticks EVERY DAY.