Sunday, May 11, 2008

My Second Mother's Day

It's Mother's Day, and Liam is taking a nap.

I had a lovely morning of sleeping in without even having to wake up before Gabe and Liam got out of bed. When I woke up, they had a card for me that they'd written in together. Liam has really good penmanship for an eleven-month-old. *nudge nudge* Gabe made me French toast and soy sausage for breakfast, and then I got to come curl up on the couch when I was done.

I love Mother's Day.

Last year on Mother's Day I was pretty pregnant- probably around 34 or 35 weeks. I consider that my first Mother's Day. You become a mother when you get pregnant. That's when your love and responsibility kick in.

Sure, this is my first one with my baby who can look at me with his bright eyes and sit in his high chair at the table with us and share breakfast and "write" in my card, but last year he was nestled quietly in my womb, swishing and sleeping and hiccuping and rolling and kicking. He was safe. I could rest my hand on that swollen belly of mine and sigh and dream.

At that point I was the perfect mother because I hadn't yet wept while breastfeeding, or trying to breastfeed. I hadn't held him clumsily while trying to get used to his tiny body and how it squirmed. I hadn't second-guessed myself and my maternal skills before calling the pediatrician about a rash, a fever, vomiting, or an eye infection. I hadn't wanted so badly for him to stop screaming at me that I wanted to scream myself.

I hadn't let him watch Sesame Street because it keeps him quiet and still for at least fifteen minutes.

I have my flaws. There are things I do and don't do as a mom that I always said I would never do or definitely would do. Once your baby comes, it's hard to be that perfect woman you thought you'd be because your baby has his own plans too. And you crumble.

You manage somehow, through the haze of sweat and hormones and tears and sleeplessness, to realize that even though you are not perfect or ideal, that you are doing your best and hey... your kid ain't so bad either. He's turning out ok.

Even though you didn't have a natural childbirth. Even though he was circumcised. Even though he didn't like that sling. Even though you can't stop crying sometimes. Even though you have to go back to work.

Even though he's interested in the television, thankyouverymuchGabe.

We're not doing so bad. This is my second Mother's Day and I am enjoying it very much.


This photo was taken about a week after Mother's Day 2007.


Bridget said...

So that left me in tears! That was very beautiful! Happy belated Mother's day! kinda silly but the word verification thing I have to fill in before I can publish this comment is MOMS!

Momto3LittleFlowers said...