Suck it, pink eye. (That sounds gross.)

So, Liam's fever?

Pink eye.

Yes. Conjuncti-frickin'-vitis. Because he didn't JUST heal from surgery on both eyes and have to endure two weeks worth of eye drops and ointment.

Conjunctivitis.

He is inconsolably miserable. He still has a fever, can barely sleep, he has no appetite, he has a cough and runny nose, and he keeps telling me his eyes hurt. This is the sickest he's been so far in his life, and it sucks big time for all of us.

It's hard to watch your two-year-old child in so much pain and discomfort and know you can't do anything about it. I can help him wipe his nose, I can rub his back when he coughs, I can cuddle his when he's not burning up, and I can give him popsicles. I can administer Tylenol and his new prescription eye drops. I know that I'm doing what I can and that he knows it's not my fault or anything. But it's crap, not being able to DO anything, like wave a magic mommy-wand and make it all go away.

What I want to do is take it all away from him and deal with it myself. I'm an adult and I've been through that all before. I've had pink eye, scarlet fever, colds and flus, migraines, random and unexplained bouts of puking, sinus infections, pregnancy and childbirth and fourth-degree tearing, surgery, a urinary tract infection, strep throat, shingles. All of it and more. And maybe I'll get the pink eye again anyway because it's so contagious. I just want him to get over this NOW and we can move on because that sad, tired, helpless look in his bloodshot blue-gray eyes BREAKS MY HEART. And he keeps looking at me.

The worst is the eye drops. Do you know how you give eye drops to a strong and willful toddler who hates eye drops? You pin them down against all their strength and pry their eyes open, and they're crying and struggling the whole time, then they squint really hard as the medication spreads and stings across their eyeballs.

That's how. It's the worst.

Conjunctivitis can kiss my ass.

KISS. IT.