all the different ways to see what's right

Four years ago around this time I was confident and happy about the upcoming election. I thought, There is no way he will be re-elected. Just months earlier I had joked to Gabe that if Bush was re-elected, we were moving to Canada.

The week that Bush was, in fact, re-elected, we made our planned move to Texas and all I could think was Uuugghhhhhhhh. Not that I would have stayed put had I had the choice at that point, but it just felt really weird. We mourned that week, really. I cried. Really.

This time, while I am hopeful, I am trying not to feel as confident, I think as a way to detach myself from more crushing heartbreak should the election not swing in Democratic favor. I can't imagine that people have approved of the last eight years enough that we'll have another President who will be much like the last, and a Vice President who I don't think really has a grip. There, I said it.

But polls are showing the gap getting narrower. Less than a week to go, and I am gritting my teeth. My head hurts and my jaw aches. My heart is stretching in all these ways I am not used to.

Four years ago it was just me and Gabe. We had jobs, we lived in a city we loved, and we were moving halfway across the country kind of just 'cause we felt like it. It was just me and Gabe. We weren't married yet but he proposed the night before our drive to Texas began... Just us.

This time we have Liam. The brightest, best and sweetest thing in our lives. He is small still but growing so fast and becoming so much more aware of the world around him. Maybe not old enough to pay attention to this election, but old enough that it scares stuff right out of my pants about the future of this country and the places Gabe will live as he grows and his eyes get bigger and he understands the world better. It scares me that people are trying to keep things the same.

I don't think a McCain/Palin presidency is a good idea. The biggest issue/argument I hear is money, and Republicans keeping theirs. This isn't just about money.

This is about freedom and human rights and compassion and hope and thinking progressively. It's about making things better because, really. We need things to get better.

I don't want that heavy feeling of dread sitting on my chest next week- that heavy dread I felt four years ago.

I want to breathe a sigh of relief and know things will get better.