I'm behind on my correspondence. Don't eff with me.

Dear Crappy Landlords,

I think it sucks that you turned off our heat in April. I think it sucks that you tried to have someone enter our apartment without notice one morning while my family and I were sleeping.

I also think it sucks that my ceiling has been leaking now for eighteen days and for each of these eighteen days you have done nothing about it despite my repeated requests.

I know you take care of your own house because you live right around the corner from me. I think the way you take care of your rental properties is appalling and you should be deeply ashamed.

Not only do I wish for my ceiling and the leak from someone else's bathroom to be repaired immediately but I would like for you both to come over to my apartment and lick the puddle off my floor before I Swiffer it.

Thank you for your rapt attention to me and my family's safety. I am sure all of your other tenants would like to thank you as well. That's what I hear from my neighbor across the hall.

Sincerely,
Nora McCourtney-Wolf